Random Insane Mumblings

And on a Wednesday morning, when I am down with a bad fever and a frustrating head cold, a few random musings, cribs and rants to keep the brain going...

What is it with the media and Brazilian football? Mohanlal and Mamooty may be infallible, but do the media think Brazil too can do no wrong? Here are a smattering of utterances from media include web and TV. Note the double standards:

On tapping it around in mid-field with no idea what do next:
U.S.A.: The team clearly lacks ideas and a sense of adventure
Brazil: See how they were patient and waited for the right opportunity?

On losing possession every once in a while:
Togo: Need to learn to keep the ball and push forward. Lack of big match experience.
Brazil: The thing about Brazil is that they let you play (duh)

On being really lucky to hold on to that one goal lead in second half:
England: The aggression and hunger to score just fizzled out.
Brazil: They were clearly playing a couple of gears below regular. They will pick it up as they go along.

On losing the 2006 World Cup to the Czech Republic:
Czech: They must see that this in no way proves they are the best. Football is a funny game. On the day...
Brazil: See how they conserved energy and talent for South Africa 2010?

My money on the Czech Republic to whip Samba posterior.

Now sports media peoples let us comment and write on what happens on the pitch and not on what could potentially happen and all that jazz. Hmph!

Which sets the stage nicely for a couple of Eastern European jokes.

1. How would you tell an eastern european fellow who works in a bank to check his paperwork thoroughly?
Ans: "Check cheque Czech"

2. But if he is a flirt and spends all his time chatting up the cute girl in HR?
Ans: "Chuck chick, check cheque Czech"

3. And if at that exact moment a car load of sardars from Delhi passed by the bank?
Ans: Dhik Chak "Chuck chick, check cheque Czech" dhik chak

Feel free to add more in the comments please. Right now, SNIFF, I can use all the humour you can give...

And finally I am fascinated about the wide variety of things you are not allowed to carry into many of our excellent commercial establishments and commercial aircraft here in India.

I found this old Inox movie ticket that clearly states on the back that I cannot carry a weapon into the theatre. I did some research into this and, apparently, this particular restriction appeared around the same time as Uday Chopra and whoever is Jeetendra's son started acting. Hmm... (I'm the Neal, I'm the man, rockstar, super... BLAM! Your own brains spatter across… you get it…)

All along my distinguished career entering and exiting commercial establishments I have been prevented from carrying many things into many places. Food into restaurants, umbrellas into a water park, bananas into a tennis tournament, chess into a wild ass sanctuary and last but not least a butter knife into an airplane. (I use the butterknife to wax my... I mean... hehehe... you know how you might get butter suddenly without warning and need to cut it no? hehehe... Dammit...) Of course when the airline served breakfast they made sure to give each person on board a very sharp little butter knife...

But a few days ago I was at gate 2C at the international airport here in Mumbai and I saw this long blue notice on the wall with a list of things forbidden on board. Now I won't talk about me but I sincerely hope you are not looking at flying abroad with bull-whips, dynamite, bows and arrows, chilli powder and, this is most intriguing, 'martial arts'.

No not 'martial arts equipments' or 'martial arts devices' or even 'martial arts videos' but just, simply, 'martial arts'. Does this mean I will need to set aside my knowledge of Tae-Kwondo gathered down the ages from sages in the lonely jungle-like hills near Kottayam through a correspondence course?

Questions and questions...

Today I will lie about aimlessly pondering on these issues waiting for my fever to subside. All of you people have fun in office. I will probably have to spend all day watching football. And see some random country kick around a ball up and down a pitch and smiling sheepishly because they really cannot do anything with it... or as they said about Brazil last night:

"They may not be scoring anything but at least they are having lots of fun on the pitch!"

Dammit.

Sniff. Wheeze. Sniffle. Cough.