Monday, March 26, 2007

Fighting the Establishment

Today morning I got a frantic call from Pastrami. Last I heard our investment banker friend was in Delhi on some personal work. Frantic is not like Pastrami at all.

He is always composed and calm, is Pastrami.

Sidin: "Hello... cough cough... hello?"

Pastrami: "Hey man... hows the tonsils?"

"Terrible. You tell..."

"Dude help me. Is there a flight from Delhi to Cochin?"

"Sure. There is that evening Air Sahara flight."

"Can't fly that. Anything else? Right now I have bookings for a Delhi-Mumbai-Bangalore-Chennai-Cochin flight..."

"What the... Why dont you just take the Sahara flight man..."

"Can't. Won't"

"Eh???!!"

"Yeah. Well... Um... I am sort of boycotting all brands that support Indian cricket."

"WHAT??!! Just like that? One moment your in Delhi visiting the parents and the next you are a viral anti-endorser type person? Dude..."

"We have silently suffered too much, Our team has really disgraced our nation at an international stage man. It is a national tragedy."

"You are taking this really badly aren't you?"

"Obviously. It is such a HUMONGOUS dissapointment man. Our team has really let us down."

"And that too continously since 1983 eh?"

"What? No man. You don't get cricket. It is a funny game. Not winning anything does not necessarily mean that we are not the best team in the world. We are one of the world's best teams man..."

"How much did we lose to Bangaldesh by? I can't put my finger on it..."

"Shut it. My principles man. So I guess I will have to fly all those hops to Cochin. But better than been taken for a ride by those crass money-grubbing cricket-bastards... I'm hungry man..."

"Buy something from the restuarant in the airport..."

"Nope. They sell Pepsi too. I am not falling for that one..."

"Hmm... But wait... you always carry a packet of biscuits right?"

"Threw them away a moment ago... Sunfeast. That too FitKit..."

"Grab a bite on the flight then..."

"Can't man. All low cost airline types."

"Pastrami stop acting like a child..."

"Dude does anyone in our cricket team endorse Itch Guard??!!..."

"Sachin maybe... hehe... no not that I know of..."

"I haven't changed in three days man. I've been wearing the same suit and shirt since I landed here..."

"Eh? No backup shirts?"

"All Westside..."

"Suits?"

"Mayur"

"Dammit... wear one of your t-shirts then man... wait... Reebok?"

"Hmm... sigh... Couldn't bathe well at home either. Mom has loaded up on Mysore Sandal and won't let me buy another one..."

"Tough being a principled man eh Pastrami..."

"But its all for a good cause man. You won't understand. This will force change in our cricket establishment. Slowly when thousands of us true cricket fans band together the brands will begin to see the point. Down with commercialism and crass profiteering in world cricket!"

"Conserve your energy man. You can't eat for another seventeen hours."

"No no I was asking around. And apparently there is a small tea shop in Chennai airport that is completely endorsement free."

"The sacrfices a cricket fan must make..."

"A TRUE cricket fan Sid..."

(Ominous beeping sounds)

"One second Sid..."

(Noise of pocket being rifled for coins)

"We're back online Sid."

"Pastrami... are you calling from a payphone?"

"Dude. I can't use my Hutch connection anymore. Obviously."

"Obviously."

"I am hungry, itchy, thirsty, dirty and miserable. But I feel great man. I feel like I am already setting the stage for a better World Cup in 2011. I am making a difference Sid. I feel so powerful. This is real public uproar."

"Good for you man... You are a complete idiot but anyways..."

"Hey you won't believe this but I think I see Yuvraj Singh. The blackguard! He must be on his way back home..."

"Does he look upset?"

"Oh terrible. He maybe wearing Gucci, D&G and Abercrombie. But boy does he look dissapointed... Though he is trying to hide it with a huge smile..."

"Relishing this aren't you..."

"Totally. And look Kim Sharma is here to receive him. She looks ravishing the little hottie..."

"She looks equally depressed I am sure."

"Absolutely. She is crestfallen in her tight t-shirt and hip-hugging jeans. It will not be a happy reunion for them. And all this hugging and kissing in the airport is just a ruse. I know they are burning inside."

"One cannot but feel terrible for Yuvraj. Does he have his limo waiting for him?"

"Looks like it. Is that a Lexus? I think so..."

"So I guess your plan is working already. So what if you're hungry and a fetid breeding ground for flesh-borne bacteria? Yuvraj must be feeling terrible in his designer clothes and in his limo cuddled up next to Kim Sharma no?..."

Awkward silence.

"Ok bye Sid."

"Tata Pastrami."

38 comments:

Deepak Panigrahy said...

I also feel terrible of our MEN IN BLUE. By not using the products endorsed by the Cricketers, perhaps we can make them realize their true and foremost work. And I guess your friend had the right start Sid.

silverine said...

LOL!!! This just goes to show that no brand is left untouched...err unendorsed by our Cricketers! Brilliant piece!

Nidhee said...

Ohh god....awesome. You were missed in this entire cricketing uproar in the blogosphere.

pkg said...

Finally!

As usual...another good post! :)

shub said...

dude! this was fabulous! priceless!
"But boy does he look dissapointed... Though he is trying to hide it with a huge smile..." rotflmao! rotflmao!

krishna kumar said...

its time you wrote the second part of that guide to greatest indian cricketers...

PSR Chaitanya said...

Superrrr!!!

Deepu said...

ROFLMAO..

sidin back with a bang..

Anonymous said...

Brilliant!nobody to write it better than u!

Girish said...

Excellent! Pls continue to enthuse us with such craft!

RuLeS: To LiVe YoUr LiFe said...

where were u man ,,, after all this time ... i wonder what would happen if pastrami starts hating the bacchans as well :)

Riggs said...

I tried being like Pastrami. I therefore had to push my car (an Ambassador since I could not find another car brand) because it ran out of High Speed. Obviously.

Heh, kidding! I am now an ardent Bangladesh/Lanka supporter. Come on Sub-continent, Come on.

former cricket fan said...

dude .. this is the best blog i have ever read so far in my life.

Vee Kay said...

with a bang, Sidin. Good Show..

Shaan said...

was wondering where u'd gone off....great post dude!

Sebastian said...

awesome post

Zeya said...

Its great post. Wonderful thought. I wish we all get united about this. Because if some one breaks your trust once, twice , thrice ..... and goes on doing it.. Its time you hit him back. Message is clear.. We dont need individual stars , we just a team which can give star performance. Now we have pool of stars floating around and twinkling their way to banks.

Anonymous said...

That was quite a boring and predictable post, I don't see what the fuss is about your blog. Mediocre at best.

Miss Iyer said...

LOL! Hilarious post :)

Paresh Palicha said...

And health drinks... My 6 years old screamed 'liar!' when Sachin got out for a duck against Lanka, 'he says Boost is the Secret of his of Energy & gets out for zero'.

heterodox said...

Satirical brilliance !!!!!!!

Kaps said...

Superb!
Seems strikingly similar on the lines of Bacchi Karkaria and Jug Suraiya (TOI), but much more entertaining!

Random Reflections said...

Great post, Sidin. It illustrates really well just how out of control the whole endorsement issue has gotten. The focus on the actual game had diminished, and unless the players are given a swift kick in the seat of their pants (and I hope it happens now), I doubt anything is going to change. Oh, Dhoni might go blonder and apply more hair gel, but that would be about it.

Alpha Hydroxy said...

love the satire even though I am apathetic towards cricket. Wish I could churn something like this so effortlessly. Been reading, probably never commented.

Anonymous said...

Yet another good one. Who's next target? :)

Bharat Jhurani said...

amazin sid.. U manage 2 write on anythin under the sun!!!

Anonymous said...

your blog's effect...

http://worldcup.indiatimes.com/articleshow/1829649.cms

Rishi said...

Awesome post!!..:))..

b v n said...

LOL..good one ! atleast bollywood endorsements are safe there, there is no performance needed :) *just a baritone voice*

Chaitanya said...

i think why you get anonymous posts dissing your blog is because of the word verification thing.

pastrami was naked i guess at a point of time.

aaapp said...

Who is responcible for this, sorry, but the answer is you know very well.

Priti said...

awesome ... real cracker ...
satire at its creative best ...

hats off...

Gaurav said...

Fantastic. Nice Satire.

Brandedforlife said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Brandedforlife said...

Reminded me of your posts on Dbab. Grt. piece...keep them coming:)

once once-a-fan said...

THERE he is!!! The Sidin of Travailles fame. Sorry to put this kind of pressure on your neck, but that's what you asked for with your "travails..." piece - an audience with high expectations.

I commented as once-a-fan on one of your recent posts, I guess I have to be called "once a once-a-fan". Brilliant piece, I've fwded it to a bunch of ppl already!

I think you should be proud if you can bring a smile to ppl who've had a sore day :) Keep them coming...

Shaan said...

yipeeeee@ http://www.cricketnext.com/news/bcci-reduces-players-match-fee/24239-13.html?xml

Anonymous said...

Hi,
Used to be a very silent,great fan of yours... Never commented on the blogs, never wrote how much you made me smile...
but lately the humor seems to have waned. when i compare this one with the ones that i have read 1 year back, i can see the distinctive difference. Seems you ahve become a little serious in life...
I am moving on from your blog. YOu did entertain very well, no doubt about that. Will check this blog after a few months.
Bye and thanks for all the fish.