Today morning I got a frantic call from Pastrami. Last I heard our investment banker friend was in Delhi on some personal work. Frantic is not like Pastrami at all.
He is always composed and calm, is Pastrami.
Sidin: "Hello... cough cough... hello?"
Pastrami: "Hey man... hows the tonsils?"
"Terrible. You tell..."
"Dude help me. Is there a flight from Delhi to Cochin?"
"Sure. There is that evening Air Sahara flight."
"Can't fly that. Anything else? Right now I have bookings for a Delhi-Mumbai-Bangalore-Chennai-Cochin flight..."
"What the... Why dont you just take the Sahara flight man..."
"Yeah. Well... Um... I am sort of boycotting all brands that support Indian cricket."
"WHAT??!! Just like that? One moment your in Delhi visiting the parents and the next you are a viral anti-endorser type person? Dude..."
"We have silently suffered too much, Our team has really disgraced our nation at an international stage man. It is a national tragedy."
"You are taking this really badly aren't you?"
"Obviously. It is such a HUMONGOUS dissapointment man. Our team has really let us down."
"And that too continously since 1983 eh?"
"What? No man. You don't get cricket. It is a funny game. Not winning anything does not necessarily mean that we are not the best team in the world. We are one of the world's best teams man..."
"How much did we lose to Bangaldesh by? I can't put my finger on it..."
"Shut it. My principles man. So I guess I will have to fly all those hops to Cochin. But better than been taken for a ride by those crass money-grubbing cricket-bastards... I'm hungry man..."
"Buy something from the restuarant in the airport..."
"Nope. They sell Pepsi too. I am not falling for that one..."
"Hmm... But wait... you always carry a packet of biscuits right?"
"Threw them away a moment ago... Sunfeast. That too FitKit..."
"Grab a bite on the flight then..."
"Can't man. All low cost airline types."
"Pastrami stop acting like a child..."
"Dude does anyone in our cricket team endorse Itch Guard??!!..."
"Sachin maybe... hehe... no not that I know of..."
"I haven't changed in three days man. I've been wearing the same suit and shirt since I landed here..."
"Eh? No backup shirts?"
"Dammit... wear one of your t-shirts then man... wait... Reebok?"
"Hmm... sigh... Couldn't bathe well at home either. Mom has loaded up on Mysore Sandal and won't let me buy another one..."
"Tough being a principled man eh Pastrami..."
"But its all for a good cause man. You won't understand. This will force change in our cricket establishment. Slowly when thousands of us true cricket fans band together the brands will begin to see the point. Down with commercialism and crass profiteering in world cricket!"
"Conserve your energy man. You can't eat for another seventeen hours."
"No no I was asking around. And apparently there is a small tea shop in Chennai airport that is completely endorsement free."
"The sacrfices a cricket fan must make..."
"A TRUE cricket fan Sid..."
(Ominous beeping sounds)
"One second Sid..."
(Noise of pocket being rifled for coins)
"We're back online Sid."
"Pastrami... are you calling from a payphone?"
"Dude. I can't use my Hutch connection anymore. Obviously."
"I am hungry, itchy, thirsty, dirty and miserable. But I feel great man. I feel like I am already setting the stage for a better World Cup in 2011. I am making a difference Sid. I feel so powerful. This is real public uproar."
"Good for you man... You are a complete idiot but anyways..."
"Hey you won't believe this but I think I see Yuvraj Singh. The blackguard! He must be on his way back home..."
"Does he look upset?"
"Oh terrible. He maybe wearing Gucci, D&G and Abercrombie. But boy does he look dissapointed... Though he is trying to hide it with a huge smile..."
"Relishing this aren't you..."
"Totally. And look Kim Sharma is here to receive him. She looks ravishing the little hottie..."
"She looks equally depressed I am sure."
"Absolutely. She is crestfallen in her tight t-shirt and hip-hugging jeans. It will not be a happy reunion for them. And all this hugging and kissing in the airport is just a ruse. I know they are burning inside."
"One cannot but feel terrible for Yuvraj. Does he have his limo waiting for him?"
"Looks like it. Is that a Lexus? I think so..."
"So I guess your plan is working already. So what if you're hungry and a fetid breeding ground for flesh-borne bacteria? Yuvraj must be feeling terrible in his designer clothes and in his limo cuddled up next to Kim Sharma no?..."
"Ok bye Sid."